You could and should've done it better

One of the voices in my head that get me anxious from 0 to 100 the fastest, is this one. It gets into me so fast like idk, and occupies my entire bandwidth of thinking. If the event is recent it's even worse – regardless of if I can do something about it or not.

Today the wind wanted my kippa, and threw it off my head. I put some effort into chasing it, but I didn't yell, wave my hands, and gets everyone's attention. I also didn't want to miss the train. So after I didn't see it, I gave up.

Not long after, thoughts that I didn't invite started running in my head. I should have asked this women, I should have yelled, run, not give up so fast. now, these thoughts are stupid and useless. the thing is done and can't be undone or changed in any way.

But the feeling was like they're squeezing my internal organs, making me unable to think about ANYTHING else!

Right away I started consciously thinking “that's stupid”, “there's nothing I can do now”, “it's not such a big deal”. but it took some time after it passed away.

My entire body went stress mode, heart, thoughts, eyes. it wasn't very nice.

Ok. stop that thing now. I just post.